Do you ask yourself sometimes how healthy are your relationships? It is not a trick question, but I bet it will take you a few moments to reflect. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only your answer and your truth.
While studying at IIN (Institute for Integrative Nutrition), I learned the most crucial concept for me. Bio-individuality, which means to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all. The concept was primarily applied to diet and how each person’s body is unique, and what might work for one person might not work at all for another. However, the more I learned about bio-individuality, the more convinced I was that this principle really goes beyond diet. I think it applies to any area of our lives. Let’s think about relationships.
Since we are little, we are taught to fit the model, to adapt to our environment, and to follow the guidelines for which society will measure us the rest of our lives. We are taught to be nice to others so they will like us; we are asked to share even if we feel not to because that is how you make friends and how other kids will like you. And so on and so on. There are all these expectations around us, but there is little teaching around connecting with others and ourselves. Then, we grow up, and we find out that it is not as easy as we were taught. That relationships, healthy relationships of any kind, require effort and work, and they should probably need a different approach.
Let’s see. You don’t relate in the same way with your co-workers, family, or love interest. This is why it is important to understand your WAY of making connections that are meaningful and a win-win for you and the other person. In my opinion, it is not about being the friendliest person in the block but rather having the right people around you what makes healthy relationships. This is work that only you can do, and you will probably need to be ruthless and honest when purging the list. Here are a few things you can ask yourself while making the cut.
→ Does this relationship give you joy? If you automatically thought about Marie Kondo, bingo! I believe her famous question, “Does this spark joy?” from her book- The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, applies perfectly for relationships. A healthy bond should give you joy. And I do not mean that it has to be a fun all the time relationship, but one that you know that regardless of the situation, you feel happy around that person. Happy you are together to enjoy the blissful moments or happy you are there for each other in the joyless ones.
→ What are you getting out of that relationship? Hey! Do not get me wrong, I think giving is what fills your heart but receiving is equally important. Is this relationship all about just one side? Does this relationship drain you dry? Well, if that is the case, think about how important this person is in your life. If your cons list is way longer than your pros, think about moving out of that relationship, but if it is the other way around, try to have an honest talk and express your needs. If that person ranks you as high on his/her list as you do in yours, together, you will find a way to improve your relationship.
→ How is your relationship with YOU? Yes, this is the one where you must work your hardest. This is the one that should take all your attention. And yes, this will always be the most important relationship in your life. Everything starts with us. Our external world reflects our inner self. Have you ever said, why do I see to attract the same type of people? Well, I have. And it was only when I figured out that I was inviting people to my life to cover my own insecurities that I was able to start to work on those, rather than masking them with an attempt of a relationship that most of the time left me broken. This is probably the most challenging work you will ever do, so be kind to yourself and treat yourself with patience and immense LOVE
Relationships are work. They can be messy and complicated but also healthy, meaningful, and beautiful. After all, being around others and making connections is what makes us humans. So, get out there and make the most out of the relationships in your life.
With much love,
Sofia
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